There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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