I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
