I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
