wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
