Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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