He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
