sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
