oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't notice because vodka
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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