Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
