I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
