Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
