What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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