Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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