just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
