Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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