Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
