Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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