So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
