fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
