its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
