i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
