12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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