Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
