I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
