yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
