The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
