Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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