Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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