i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
