I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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