So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
