The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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