just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
