Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

Where are you?

(720): View more from Colorado

In a non slutty way

Fav 3 1392 743
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(208): View more from Idaho

I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

Fav 19 4395 1527
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(732): View more from New Jersey

she woke up with a sticky ear

Fav 2 1310 2123
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"

Fav 34 3840 823
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(408): View more from California

there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing

Fav 12 3316 1309
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(519): View more from Ontario

Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

Fav 21 6059 1466
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious

Fav 35 5129 2891
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(415): View more from California

I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.

Fav 1 177 83
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.

Fav 0 6 41
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