Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
