ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
