WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
