Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
