OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
