We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
