I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
