I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
