Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
