She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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