can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
