Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
