i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
