I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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