what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
