His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
