I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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