His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
