I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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