She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
