Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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