we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
