Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
