i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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