three words: i give head
three words: not that well
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
