Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
