you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
