So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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