Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
