yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
