is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize