why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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