I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
