Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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