so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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