can u get pink eye on your cock?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
